Saturday, April 25, 2009

Can You Stand Another Commentary on Sanford and The Money?

My dad asked me a question about Sanford today that prompted me to come up with this explanation (as I understand it) of the "Sanford and the Stimulus Money" soap opera. Now here are the disclaimers. Dad said he thinks it's interesting that Sanford would reject "any" stimulus money but is willing to ask for Federal Disaster Funds for the Myrtle Beach fire. It's not actually true that South Carolina is rejecting "any" stimulus money. SC is getting something like $8 Billion. The question is about something like 5% of the total amount we are getting. And stimulus money is not the same as Federal Disaster Relief. Different buckets of money.

And finally? This is only MY WAY OF UNDERSTANDING the $500M issue. I completely believe I could be wrong on this. Actually, sometimes I think I MUST be wrong. Because my understanding, illustrated below, makes it seem like such a stupid thing, that I can't imagine I'm right and that this is really what it's all about. But? I've lived long enough to hear bigger arguments about stupid-er stuff. So here goes. For your entertainment:

The stimulus money is going to cost us more in the long run if we take it. Taking the $500Million that he is talking about has strings attached that will mean starting new programs for which that stimulus money is intended by the Feds. I liken it to this: You have a house. In that house you have a washer, stove and refrigerator. You dry your clothes outside on the line. The refrigerator is on its’ last legs. You need a new one. But you are still making payments on the washer and stove. You are just limping along, keeping your beer and brats in your neighbor’s fridge until you can get those last few payments on the washer and stove. Once you get those paid off, you’ll buy a new fridge with the money you’ve freed up in your budget by not having to make those payments.
Your uncle says he’ll give you $1,000. But you can’t use it to buy a new fridge and you can’t use it to pay off the washer and stove. He thinks it’s a travesty that you are drying your clothes out on the line. He lives next door and doesn’t like seeing your undies swaying in the breeze. So he’ll give you $1,000 to buy a dryer. You have to use every dollar of that $1k on the dryer, too. Which means basically a top-of-the-line LG steam dryer. With a 7.3 cu ft capacity, this bad boy is going to need a lot of room in your laundry room. Which means you also will have to remodel your back porch to accommodate it and the existing washer. It’ll probably cost another $1000 in demolition, supplies, and labor to get that done. Now, since I’ve just recently found out that I could lose my job if Sanford doesn’t take the money, it puts me in the interesting position of feeling like he should, so that I can salvage my measly $xxk a year job, and feeling he shouldn’t because I just don’t think my uncle needs to tell me how to run my house.

1 comment:

Tom from California said...

Oh my---and I thought this stimulus thing was confusing out here in California!! Very funny indeed! By the way--undies that have been swaying in the breeze feel good when worn so put up a line for your hypothetical uncle!

Tom from California