Stuff I Learned From My Friends Today

"Quaaaar"--apparently the southern pronounciation of "queer."
"That's a quaaar one, Lucille."
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It is worth it to sit under the butt of a giant statue of a horse in a restaurant if you can look between his back legs to see Tiger Woods on the television.
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Divorce Battle Centers on Braves Tickets:

ATLANTA (AP) -- A divorced couple is feuding over tickets to see the Atlanta Braves. A psychologist -- Elizabeth King -- accuses her ex-husband, lawyer Charles Center, of breaking their 2002 divorce agreement to divide the four tickets they had shared behind home plate. The Atlanta couple owned tickets to 81 home games in a three-way partnership with other baseball fans. Every year King and Center had four tickets to 27 games. When they divorced, he agreed to take the first home game every year. Then each would get four tickets to 13 games. After one of the partners died last year, King's ownership increased to a full third: 27 games. The 82 season tickets are still in her ex's name, and he has been in charge of dispensing them to the partners. The couple hardly looked at each other during a court hearing yesterday. King testified that Center had gone out of his way this year to give her tickets to games that conflicted with her schedule. And she claimed 80 percent of the tickets he gave her were for day games -- implying he'd done it because he knows she has skin cancer. Center testified that the four tickets to 27 home games cost about six-thousand dollars. And he said he was distributing them to her the way he'd always distributed them, sequentially, according to a mathematical formula. He said he adjusted that arrangement when people asked or if there were conflicting schedules. So far, attorneys' fees come to about 13-thousand dollars. A frustrated Superior Court Judge Melvin Westmore -- after a hearing of two hours -- ruled that he would not cite Center with contempt and urged the two to settle it out of court.

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A discussion at lunch ensued about the funeral of Ruth Bell Graham. It's to be a public funeral in Montreat, N.C, the couple's hometown. Shuttles have been arranged to carry visitors from Black Mountain to Montreat, as there are less than 40 parking spaces at the funeral location.

Question at the table: "Would you go across the state, or across the country, to the funeral of a popular personage you have admired greatly?"

Everyone said "No."

Then this comment: "Well, maybe for Willie Nelson."



Can you see now why I have such powerful abs?